Communication Is An Inside Job

Exactly what is meant by communication?

^{communication[kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuh n], noun}

1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
4. a document or message imparting news, views, information, etc.
5. passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places.
6. communications,

• means of sending messages, orders, etc., including telephone, telegraph, radio, and television.
• routes and transportation for moving troops and supplies from a base to an area of operations.

–Dictionary.com

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen or heard “communication” used under Number 5, above, but I like it. A dictionary dive every now and then never disappoints.

I’ve always felt that, ultimately, communication is an inside job. It’s about what’s happening inside of us that shapes how and why we share a message with someone else, as well as how we receive and understand a message.

I believe we do ourselves and others a disservice when we boil it down to simple talking and hearing. I’m a huge fan of hearing. It’s just that most of us need to strengthen our listening muscles, if you will.

As I learned from the International Listening Association (ILA), listening is much more than “hearing.”  My shorthand understanding of listening boils down to this: It is receiving/taking in a message, constructing meaning from that message, and responding. Each aspect of this can be done without talking, one of the hardest things for many of us to learn.

I work every day to be the best communicator I can be in every experience. I don’t always succeed, but I always try. And when I don’t succeed, I do my heartfelt best to clean up any mess my message – or my delivery of my message – may have created.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about communication that serve me well:

*No matter how good a “communicator” you are, you can always be better.

And yes, that can be said about almost everything in life.

*Listening is more than not talking.

Yes, I’m repeating something stated earlier. It’s that important. Check your commitment to the person who is speaking, your assumptions about them and what they are saying, and your emotional attachment to what is being shared. These can all have a profound impact on your conversation with that person.

*”Just the facts ma’am.” Well, not always.

Just because someone said something, or you read something somewhere, that doesn’t make it true. Check it out. I’ve come to feel that a lot of things are stated as if they are facts when they are actually data (more often it’s partial data) with someone’s particular perspective.

*What’s the point?

When you share a message, especially when you are speaking, please try to have a point. It’s amazing how often we are not clear about where we’re headed with something before it starts spilling from our lips. If you’re not sure and stumble in your delivery, it’s usually OK to share that you’re somewhat lost. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever been in included someone’s admission that they didn’t know how to say something, or exactly what they wanted to say. However, feel free to pause a moment to check in with yourself before you begin.

*You don’t have to speak for a long time to say something worthwhile.

Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address was so short, especially for his day, that the photographer wasn’t completely set up before it was over. I trust you have had at least one short conversation with someone that ended with you saying, or feeling, “That made my day!” A short exchange can ruin your day, too.

Need I say more?