Blooming…Whatever It Looks Like
A lot of people are thinking about fertilizer this time of year, and lots of other smelly, messy things that make beautiful and vital plants grow. What if we use that as a way of thinking about and addressing ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)?
When I first heard about ACEs and their impact on lifelong health and wellness, it was sobering to discover that a majority of us faced a potentially life-changing traumatic experience when we were children. However, I feel blessed to believe that once you know, it can make all the difference in the world. You can acknowledge and celebrate the fact that no matter how your life looks today, you found a way to survive – and possibly bloom – in the smelly, messy stuff you may have been planted in. And make no mistake about it, it didn’t have to be what others would define as traumatic to have an effect on you.
That effect can lead to an internal conflict that you may never have been aware of, the tug-of-war between your highest self and the aspect of you that suffers in some way. It doesn’t matter how “big” the “thing” is that had/has the negative impact on you. It was/is your experience. You get to define it. You also get to define the best path through it and beyond.
Don’t rush past the internal conflict. It can bloom into feelings, decisions and behaviors that can wreak havoc on your health, wellness, family, community and, potentially, the world. It may already have. Too often this prompts us to look at what just happened to you, as opposed to what may have happened in the past that led you here. Makes sense, right? Right now is all we really have. But addressing right now with a heart for back then can make a big difference.
If we want to really make that difference in ways that can be considered “trauma-informed,” I believe we must consciously incorporate listening skills and the arts. As much as this is discussed with regard to working with children in schools and those who receive social services, I think it’s clear that we all instinctively get this. Why else would there be so many adult coloring books?
At this year’s International Listening Association convention, I will be honored with an opportunity to lead a workshop about how listening skills, trauma/ resilience-building information and the arts have come together inside me in a way that I hope serves others, and how those who attend can have a similar experience.
Knowing and talking about ACEs is great, but we must view things through a trauma-informed/resilience-building lens and actually do something.
Research shows that decades after adverse childhood experiences – such as physical or sexual abuse, living with a family member who has an alcohol or drug addiction, living with a family member who has a mental illness – a person can experience physical health problems, mental health problems, or be a perpetrator or victim of violence, and more. But that does not have to be the case.
People can and do bloom where they’re planted. Whenever we meet along life’s path let’s do our best to reflect each other’s blooming beauty in the moment – whatever it looks like – affirming their resilience. Let’s be someone’s sunshine, and mindfully tend to each other through lifelong growth. Let’s make the process a lot less smelly.
